This is me, I know it's not my best picture but I kind of like it. Today has been a very hard confusing day for me. I feel like there should be two of me. I wish there were two of me but there can't be. In this picture I was actually happy, I was having a good day. Now today I am having a shitty time, and the worst part is that I have to pretend that everything is fine when it's not. I smile, laugh, joke around and do my job but inside I'm torn. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I don't know where to go, I need help!!!! This morning I just wanted to get through the day..................................................................................................................................................................................... Now I just want to get through my life...........................................I would like to wake up and know that I'm dead. Wake up and know that my life is over, maybe see my son grown up and married, happy. I guess I wont know that until it happens. I feel so dull, so empty, so stupid because I'm torn by two people who are dear to me. One my sister whom is the only one that I have and ever will have, we do things for each other, we gang up on people and laugh at ourselves. But at the end of the day we have fun working with each other. The other person is my boyfriend (soon to be ex) whom at one point in my life I loved so much but now not so much. I just can't seem to get my feet out the door. I feel like if I leave him I'm going to miss out on something. what is that something? I don't know I just feel it. I feel like if I leave he wont leave me alone until I come back. I know this cause he's done it before. I know that if you read this you are saying that I'm stupid that why would I stay with someone who is mean to me. You are not there everyday, you only see and hear the bad stuff, at the end of the day when it's just me and him it's different. He's different.... he does things that no one has ever done for me before. He loves my every curve, my every flaw, he loves everything about me. I know what your saying, THAT'S NOT LOVE! I knew you would say that and that's sad that you would judge someone without even knowing them. I don't judge the lives or choices that others make so don't judge mine. I am not perfect, I am human and will and can make mistakes. My life hasn't been easy, I have gone through things that no one should go through but that is not an invitation for you to feel pitty on me. I am fine, heartbroken, but fine. p.s. I don't know what was up with my left eye, I know it looks kind of weird.